Trying to be better at what I do

I just realised that I am suffering from FOMO so severe that it’s now becoming a syndrome and affecting my other aspects of life too.

So I just thought of creating a series of articles about Competitive Programming, Blockchain and AI Technologies daily, so that it would help me check my stress about being FOMO.

Hopefully it’ll help you the readers too.

My Prequel to Learning Mahabharata

I have been listening to the Mahabharata podcast Link. Being an Indian and having learned from a Hindu school, I am accustomed with the Hindu Philosophy. I have been a neutral person regarding religion. I must accept that Christianity helped me get through some of my worst days, staying truthful and responsible when my mother died and my dad and sister blamed me for that, when my sister and dad went on with their illegitimate affairs emotionally and but not getting physically involved(I hoped).

I stayed strong because of the commandments of the Bible. I bravely faced my emotional and verbal abuses with a sad heart. I was sad, diffident and taken advantage.

My relatives ignored my respect and needs because of my helpless condition. None wants to be with a downer, right? Christianity helped me withstand the cruel, abusive family but with a sad heart. Christianity is partially to be blamed for keeping up with this abusive relationships, like Jesus suffered…

I was always sad and my relatives were always critical of my failures. Sad people tend to be diffident, hard-working. At my age, my hard work was to study well and so it paid me off. I also started to reply back to my abusers and was labelled as an arrogant.

Due to my studies, I moved out of my Dad’s house. I still considered myself as a devout Roman Catholic. I once again found people who accepted me with my flaws and perfections. I became happy. My sadness came out only when I was with my father and family. Nevertheless I was righteous with no secret affairs of any kind but with a sadness at the core of my heart.

After another round of abuse before my marriage, I had absolutely no expectations of my marriage. But after my marriage, I started thinking of my life and how everyone had abused me and became stressed. I started complaining a lot and my health deteriorated. That’s when I started looking for answers elsewhere than Christianity. Positive Psychology helped me a bit and then I remembered the Hinduism.

That’s how I started learning Mahabharata.

Is it racistic?

I speak voluntarily only with nice people who are confident, beautiful, clever, rich and kind. I admire their achievements. Naturally I am found more with people who are potentially confident and kind. I sympathise with less confident negative ones and encourage them to attain their goals. I am gentle with everyone but closer with only my friends, who are positive and confident and achievers. I am gently indifferent with people who are not good with me.

At times, I fight with my friends and don’t speak with them. But eventually I will make it up with them. But with those, who don’t respect me, I will be gentle but indifferent.

I despise the people who are manipulating, helpless, pessimistic, nevertheless I will be gently indifferent, I won’t be expressing any loving/hatred feelings with them.

I enjoy company of new people who obviously have got the desired qualities with them. I move away from those who disrespect me but without any fight.

Then there’s family, who are positive but stupid or helpless. I will help them out and be with them in all their times. I will disrespect them if they disgrace me, vice versa.

I run away from negative people when they approach my territory to infect my territory. I keep away from manipulating and showy people. This’s my self defence. They can live peacefully near by, but not with us.

To be in my territory, one has to be positive. The one has to be kind, courageous, hard working, self reliant.

Am I a racist? I select the people based on their inner qualities dissimilar to a racist, who sides with outer qualities like colour, fame, caste.

If I am, then I am a gentle racist who don’t push away other races. If I am not a racist then, just I am closer with positive people and far away from negative people.